the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize