I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
