wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
