I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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