Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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