you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My cat gives me a boner
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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