Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
