I feel like abortions should bother me more
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
