the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
