I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
