Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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