My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
