she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
