I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
