I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
