yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I didn't notice because vodka
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i now understand why vodka
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
