I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
