sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
