dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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