I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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