I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
