Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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