My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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