remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
