Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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