you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
