dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
