How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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