Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
