hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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