so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
