Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
