I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
