Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
