yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
