Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ok first of all what the fuck
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
