I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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