ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
