but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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