Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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