i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
