Screwed.edu
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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