You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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