Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
