Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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