I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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