Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
nutella sex= disaster
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
