I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
