she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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