Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
