I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
