i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
