i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize