So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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