i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
