party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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