make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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