may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize