She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
