Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
