She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
