if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
