He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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